Odysseus, The war between marriage and passion

Intro:

This post marks the beginning of a series of posts that I will present through my last years study of the myth of Odysseus. The goal of the series is to present themes from the tale through a psychological lens and to present insights about the human condition. Please enjoy:

I will endure it, owning a heart within inured to suffering.

For I have suffered much, and laboured much,

in war and on the seas: add this then to the sum.

Homer, 'The Odyssey' Bk V:192-261.

Almost everyone knows the story of Troy. Paris, a prince of Troy, favored by Aphrodite, falls into passion with Helen of Mycenae and whisks her off to Troy to marry him. Perhaps he thought himself safe behind Troy’s famous walls, perhaps he didn’t think much at all. Needless to say, his actions start a great war between the combined forces of the Greeks and the Trojan armies. On the surface it’s a war for the return of Helen, the beautiful wife of Menelaus stolen from him.

More deeply though, this a war of ideals. What type of society do we choose to live in? Do we live in a society where people can rupture marriages in the name of passion? Or is there a firmer law here that needs to be asserted into the world, through force if necessary? The great gods align on each side. Hera, the goddess of wives, and Athena, the goddess of wisdom/growth join the Greeks. While Poseidon, the god of primal forces, and Aphrodite, the goddess of passion, side with Troy.

Does primal chemistry and powerful infatuation rule over marriage and growth? They certainly seem at odds at times and yet we need both. In a lecture by Esther Perel, she reports that the statistics vary from twenty six to seventy five percent of people report being in or having had affairs. She reports that most of the people she has interviewed who have had affairs report being almost compelled to act from a craving for a feeling of aliveness.

No one can deny the power of Aphrodite and Poseidon, and the importance of honoring them. Yet Athena siding with the Greeks is a powerful message to the world. The goddess of wisdom and growth makes a bold claim. Some may want to make Paris out as a noble romantic. Athena tells us that Paris was immature, that a marriage is not to be broken in the name of infatuation if you want to grow, and that you tamper with the fabric of this bond at great peril. There is something sacred about the masculine and feminine union in a marriage (note that I do not use the word man and woman here, but refer to forces in us both).

Jordan Peterson once described marriage as two people who agree to get into a cage together, fully knowing that there will be times when each and both want to escape. The cage is thus designed to create a vessel where each partner can grow in ways that they might not if they fled to a new exciting connection. Growth in relationships often means learning to fight for unmet needs in relationships.

The Greeks won the war of Troy, proving the supremacy of Athena and Hera’s value to the world. Yet we must honor the power of Aphrodite and Posiedon, and we ignore them at our own peril. Thus the task is to learn how to bring Poseidon and Aphrodite into the relationship, thereby serving the relationship, instead of the inverse. This way we can strive to find vitality and aliveness, without having to sacrifice the need for stability and growth.